His LOVE

I am a Christian. I believe in LOVE.  I believe in loving with His LOVE because it is the greatest gift I can share with anyone I meet in this world.

I believe in Free Will.  I believe that Free Will is given to us by God.  He allows us to chose to love Him, to accept His salvation and to change our lives forever in obedience to Him for the gifts of Faith and Freedom,; gifts that liberate us from the burdens of this Damned world.  Alternatively, we can chose to ignore Him, deny Him, blaspheme Him and live however we chose shackled to this world.  

I do not believe in a government that forces people to obey laws based on a religion that they chose to not beieve in.  Because God gave people the gift of Free Will my government cannot deny those same people the right to chose for themselves how to live their lives based on a religon that they have chosen to ignore.  I cannot force people to love my God and I cannot decide for them to obey His commandments and furthermore I cannot convince them to fear the punishment of a Hell that they refuse to admit exists.  And I cannot descibe to them the feeing of relief, affection, joy and gratitude thats comes with accepting God's LOVE if they would rather be tethered to this world.  Again, God allows them to decide, therefore my government should allow them to decide.

Christians need to think about their behavior.  We are called to LOVE others and live this life following God's call to obedience. We are not called to judge God's other children for the choices they make.  How can convince them to follow our God and be like us if we insult them with confrontational words and discrimination and Hate?  Do not be the first to cast a stone, do not be hypocrites and do not Hate.  Do not let Satan use you as a means of justifying nonbelievers' choice to ignore the calling of our Lord.

This is a doomed world.  It is Damned and it will come to its end.  There is nothing we can do to save it.  But this information is not news that should sadden us because with the end of this world is the coming of our Lord.  Besides, Christians, we are born again through the cleansing Blood of Christ and we now belong to a New World and follow a greater Calling than what this Damned world holds for us.  Do not let the troubles of this world weigh on us because they will fade away as we shine on eternally with God.

Christians, let us stop hating, judging and condeming those around us and remember that the greatest way to bring others to God's gift is with His LOVE.  We have to strive to embody the attitude of Christ so that we can be vessels worthy of containing and sharing God's LOVE with a world that does not deserve His Grace.

insecurity

why keep it a secret?


I must be pretty stupid.

The River Gallery wants my application so I sent it. I hope they like what they see, but honestly I hope have other options in a few months.

finally, i hear YOU

I get to type a lot now.

A lot of my school work is centered on responding to questions about the documentaries we've watch on Blackboard or essays for article readings or memos and research for business writing. The more I type the more i respond and the more I read and then react to my classmates the more I am convinced everyday that this is right.

Sometimes yes I do doubt. My mom and my dad and even my dear Pop question my career choice. They think there is no future in this.

I disagree, I know it feels right, I know I was lead to this decision by my God, I know that I did the right thing.

I wish they would not make me question myself, or rather what I feel the Lord has given me.

I don't like that they make doubt Him, and that I sometimes have to pray and ask again "Was this right?" But every time there is doubt, questions or even a barrier, He proves again that there a a plan for me that He conceived. When I pray for guidance I am rewarded with peace and patience. I know I do not have to know the answer now, I am here on His time and He will reveal to me the specifics eventually. Right now the weight of His assurance is all I need.

It's like,... to validate my choice, every time I look for opportunities to pursue a career or grad school I find it. I find intern ships, paid ones that cover travel, I find new museums that are hiring, I find many colleges with financial aid and all I have to do is take the GRE and do the best I possibly can or jut apply and hoe a museum makes me their slave.

And I will, I amso scared of it so scared, but I can do it.

But, even if my best is not enough there are institutes I can fall back on where I can be employed and then just work my up through the ranks.

I have passion, and that WILL count for something. This is right, not easy, but right and I do not need them to make me feel like it was wrong when I need their support.

They are disappointed, I mean saying, "my daughter is a graphic designer" really is much more impressive than saying "My daughter is an Art Historian" I get it.

I also get that they are worried, their concerns are valid I understand for myself that finding work could be hard and that grad school will be on me and that paying off those loans will be on me. I get it, but I do not get why they think it is productive to patronize me over and over again with the problem and predicting nothing but the worst of situations without considering the possibility of God in this equation. I am finally following His plan for my life and sure I do not know for certain where this may lead me but I am so confident that He is guiding me there now that I am listening.

Good Lord, God, my Father in Heaven I am listening

EGAR

i never get mad.


why do i never get mad?...  i get hurt though, i just let it go though, .......cause..... whatever

the bookstore is getting ridiculous.  I like working there I really do, but I am being unfairly singled out.  It's not just me other coworkers notice that I get in trouble for crap that other people never get lectured about.  Now I don't have a job for the summer—however I am "more than welcome to comeback in the Fall" what does that mean?  What kind of BS is that?  And why tell me on the last Friday of class two whole weeks after I turned in my Summer availability? I didn't freaking look for a job obviously because I thought I would have a job and now I am trying to scramble for a seasonal position somewhere so I can afford to stay here... otherwise I can't.

Maybe this could be an opportunity.  I turned in an application to the Jan Dempsey Rec Center here and it's a lot closer to something I think I would want to do after I graduate.  I'll be responsible for organizing and assisting with the art gallery, folk art events, locale bands, city festivals, and even the theatre.  Maybe if I like it I'll just work there full-time.  They just have to hire me and I really hope they do.

I like the bookstore and I feel like I just started working there, but I am getting tired of feeling like the manager has it out for me and I don't know why.  She definitely has her favorites and I am not one of them.

Oh well when one door closes...

and speaking of closing doors

NY Dada is better that Euro Dada

Marcel DuChamp:
   "America's best art are it's bridges and plumbing."

*sidenote: Spotify has indeed enhanced my music experience.

Hurtles to Identification

I want to remember this quote from Lippard for the rest of my life:

We're all struggling for the right to be perceived as subjects of history,

acting in it, rather than as objects acted upon.

Today the distinction between international

(which means mostly European-derived)

and global

(which means everyone who

is still usually left out despite a body of often brilliant past-colonial criticism)

is another barrier that has to be breached.

PROcrastination

yet again I find myself here instead of in Word working on a paper. But its been a while, so I thought I'd leave a few brief updates:

My brother came to visit the week after i got back from Spring Break. It was a lot of fun, we had adventures throwing pots and cat hunting with two unexpected companions. I know he got one one of my roomate's nerves by the end of it though, what I mean is his lack of sensitivity really hurt. I think she gets him, I mean whats' not to get I know he's the most selfish person on the planet, but I think she could take so much of personality, and personal questions for one weekend.

I worked A-Da yesterday and got just a small taste of what Game Day's will be like in the fall, omg I don't even know where to begin on that one. So many things went wrong at work yesterday I can only hope that was out of the ordinary and that even with more people home game shifts are normally much smoother than that. I can handle a lot of people and even rude people but there's no excuse for a whole freaking section of sale items to be scanning for the wrong price. That's just someone being lazy and irresponsible and not doing their job.

In other news Summer's almost here, ever since my bruh bruh left thats all I could think of and I really can't wait. Except that means graduation is closer...

I still feel very much afraid of graduation. I know its silly but I've been in school my whole life and I know it'll be an adjustment to not having class anymore. Even at my job at the the bookstore I am seeing that your relationship to people in a working environment is different from that in the classroom. I think I'll miss how the opportunity provided by a lecture and class discussions with a room of strangers allowed you to be vocal about things you normally would not verbalize. And I'll miss how being forced to listen to complete strangers, people I would otherwise never be exposed to or want to associate with, provided me with other points of view on topics I thought I already had formed an opinion about. At work theres no looming participation credit providing the pressure to elaborate on issues that come up in a lecture or a contextual analysis.

Theres a freedom I find in trying to work out and vocalize my thoughts in the company of strangers. These people can judge me all they want 'cause once class is over it no longer matters and that freedom you cannot always get from people outside of the sterile lecture room. I care what they think and I care about maintaining their current opinions so I try to censor what I say around some and I find myself agreeing with them or just not saying anything because I elaboration on subjects in an analytical manner, specifically to expand upon their relationship to the human condition (what really interests me is how so many people still base their definitions of the Self on the precedence established by the juxtaposing of their expirence to the white male European model— come on how dated are we?!)Oh well. People don't care to articulate these things I guess.

The real world has to come for me eventually. Maybe in my big girl job I'll find these sorts of conversations still continuing.

Anyway I am starting to forget what else has happened and now I am rambling when i should be typing one of these papers.