There are a million other things I should be doing.
But its been far too long and I have the urge to just type. I have been typing for days now,— I have SO much due this week, but right now I just wanna type words that are for me.
Theres been a lot on my mind lately. I am sure I won't get it all out right now.
Work is great. I screwed up a lot in the beginning, but thats stopped now and truly I have loved it since day one :) I am just a cashier at the University's bookstore but its a fantastic job because I love dealing with the customers. I love that I can smile at people and make them feel so much better, maybe I don't make that big of an impact but I'd rather think I made their day a little bit sunnier instead of dragging them down even if for just a moment.
My brother and I are talking again. I don't know what changed. I think he got over it first actually. We started watching Shameless, this incredibly offensive but hilarious British show we get on Netflix, over Christmas break and a few weeks back he called me— actually called me!— to ask me about Kid Cudi. I was so taken aback, but we've been great since then. We are even texting each other during Walking Dead and just yesterday he called me to ask about new music. I feel like he's back... but next week when I visit a bit for spring break I'll know for sure. I am still brave enough to be excited. Hopefully it won't hurt me later.
(omgHesentmeaTEXTjustnow)
i went to the doctor recently, last week I think, and I gained eight pounds since I started seeing her and my hormone and thyroid levels are normal. Yay. Maybe mom will back waaaaaay off now.
I miss my besties like crazy. I sometimes get a visit at work which brightens my day or a skype date but I miss waking up in the morning and them all just being there. I know its not like its been that way in years, and I know I've claimed that I had gotten over it long ago. Its just that next year I'll be the only one left and it makes me so sad. I wanna move on too... I just have no where to go yet. It makes me nostalgic and I keep catching myself mourning for the past. I want that again. Don't get wrong, wonderful things are about to happen for them and I am so grateful for that. And it'll happen for me too. I just wish we could all be together, I mean we will be but... I know better than to delude myself into believing that it'll be the same forever. My love for them will never change, EVER. I love them now with all my being and that will always be so and I know that I'll be able to share everything with them when we see each other. But our relationship... will it might change. I can't believe I am saying that but
it
might.
