She avoids looking at people, her head is always down and she stares at the ground.
She clutches her books close to her and tries to take up as little space as possible and move through the crowds of people as fast as her legs will carry her.
And no one sees her.
I notice her though. I think its because she does not want to be noticed no one else even looks over at her, she is invisible to all of them but to me ... I don't know I feel like I can sense her some how
No matter where I am or what I am doing I almost immediately see her
across the room at the end of the hall leaving the bathroom sitting in the library walking past the transit reading a book
why does this matter why do I see her and have such a surge of emotion ripe through me every time I see her
it's because I know what she sees when she looks at herself
And I want to tell her its not true and all the cliche crap that goes with statements like that that she's probably heard before.
I want to tell her that she's loved and beautiful and that she's hurting herself and that theres no need to be invisible anymore and to stop fighting with her thoughts and her body...
because she will lose.
it is none of my business. I can't just walk up to her while she is staring at herself in the bathroom mirror (putting her brittle hair in a ponytail to hide the areas where you can see her scalp) and tell her that I deal with it too. That I know it too this feeling of being so detached from your body like someone put you in the wrong one. I want to talk to her about it so she'll know at least that I care that I am concerned. That I don't want her to fade away into
nothing
Sometimes I randomly think about her and I wonder about her family and her friends.
I wonder what she tells them how she justifies this to them. How she hides her boney hands, her thinning hair and explains away the sunken cheeks and constant fatigue.
I had a dream about her.
I don't even know her name and I had a dream about her.
I just want to tell her that
that
that I want to be her dear friend.
That I just want to take her with me to see Brandy and that we can do this together.
I want to tell her that I don't just want her to do this with me, that I, I feel like I need her to do this with me.
I tell myself that the next time I see her I am gonna introduce myself.
Next I am just walk right up to her and start talking like I normally do to new people.
I'll say something super nice about her outfit or how she does her make up as she tries to conceal her tiny frame behind books that look way to heavy for her to hold. I'll say you look familiar did we have a class together? did we go to the same high school? where are you from? I have an hour to kill lets get some coffee or tea or something
(coffee and tea will be on her safe foods lists)
she'll say sure and then I don't know it'll go on from there... maybe
but I never do. I don't even try. I know the possibility of her accepting my friendship is slim at best. but shouldn't I at least try? no matter how awkward it might be? Theres nothing wrong with just introducing myself...
next time... I really hope that I try to, I never do, but I really hope I do, my heart just aches for her so much
I don't want her to feel that way anymore.
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